Dwayne The Rock Johnson (who would win because he's famous) or Jesse Ventura (because he was conspiracy before conspiracy was cool). Can't be John Cena because he defends gay people. Maybe Jim Harbaugh (talk about weird) or they could turn to The Puppy Killer or Marjorie Taylor Greene or even Steven Miller, who's campaign slogan would be "It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again".
It would have to be a celebrity but not one of those fruity Hollywood types.