All these cardinals are total losers. One of them, a big burly man with tears in his eyes, came to me the other day and said sir, you should be pope. You’d be the best pope, because popes until now have been weak.
I would be a great pope, like you’ve never seen before. Did you know popes go back over 1,000 years? Nobody knew that. But I asked, why is all this stuff in Latin, a language nobody ever heard of? Everyone knows Jesus spoke English, which is the only language anyone understands.
Did you know popes get to change their name from their real name to a pope name? Like Francis, what kind of name is that? It’s a pretty stupid name, a weak name. I’m gonna keep my name, Donald Jesus Trump. This will all happen soon, very soon, in about two weeks.