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“Your honor, I ask that you strike all references to my client’s so-called “threats” about tearing off the victim’s head and shitting down his neck, as it will tend to unfairly prejudice the jury against my client, inflame passions, prevent a fair trial, and taint any resulting verdict—he was totally joking and that had absolutely nothing to do with the victim’s unfortunate and completely-unrelated decapitation and impersonation of a toilet.”

The only thing that gives me pause about Jake in terms of career longevity is that he’s already practically 28, and there aren’t many catchers that are really effective after 30. Flip side, he just spent a whole year not catching, which could help his longevity profile a little. But still, I wouldn’t pass on the best-player-left-is-a-catcher toward the top of the draft to save that spot for Jake for the rest of the 2020s.

If Baez is going to stay here for six years—and there’s a better than average chance he will—then one of the top missions of Scott Harris has got to be acquiring an above average or, preferably, All-Star shortstop, whether by trade, free agency, draft, or whatever. Schoop will be gone and Baez needs to move to second if not next year, then certainly by 2025. He does have experience there—the Cubs started him there when Addison Russell had #6 locked down, so it wouldn’t be a complete shock to his system. And of course, his arm would play a lot better there. How cool would it be if it turns out we already have that above-average-plus shortstop in-house with Nick Maton? Hey, a boy can dream …

The term “unreconstructed segregationist” was practically coined to refer to Lester Maddox. This is the front door at his fried chicken restaurant—this was in 1964. Check out the sign. The axe handle reference in the Mad cartoon comes from his restaurant’s practice of handing out axe handles to white patrons for the ostensible purpose of beating black people and their fellow (interstate?) travelers if they dared enter the restaurant.

Maybe they’re trying to prove they’re not racist because all blue lives matter.

Well, that sucked.

And checking in to the Political Forum. That’s hardcore baller.

Defund the NSC until they come to their senses.

Cisnero was known to be garbage last year. He was walking almost seven guys per nine, but his BABIP was something like .240 and he got lucky by throwing up a goose egg on HR/FB, so his topline numbers were deceptively good. But still, that walk rate. I thought the new regime was going to give him the gate because he obviously could not “control the strike zone”. My best guess is they kept him on with a cheap contract hoping he’d get lucky and be able to move him for something decent in July, versus just having to let him go for nothing. He’s not following that script so far, though, is he?

That was a great advance to third on the two-out single to left by TORK! The hit was closer to the line and the LF had to go get it, but the play was in front of him and TORK! saw what he saw and took advantage of it. Then he got to simply trot in on the Miggy single. Solid baserunning.

Oh yeah, Kike is out.

Looks like the Tigers are winning the Verlander trade this season!

Jakey with the bomb!

Seven hitters in, and so much for balls in play.

That’s why I say I don’t know how I feel about it. I haven’t relied on out of town scoreboards since the smartphone era started. But I definitely love it just for being a traditional part of the big league ballpark experience.

There’s a solid DP, and TORK! with the scoop!

Well, that was a suboptimal ending to a promising beginning.

I didn't realize Comerica does not have an out of town scoreboard anymore. I don’t know how I feel about that.

How can anyone issue a four-ball walk to Javier Baez?

Good fast first inning, no real hard contact. Nice start.

Avila predicated our rebuild on pitching, and here we are without anything even close to an ace pitcher to put out there every five days. I find that sadly ironic.

I am in the waiting room for a car wash—a very good but very slow car wash—and I am stuck in here with a guy who has the sad trombone from Price is Right as his text tone. It’s going off two, three, four times a minute. It is truly depressing.

Avila was made GM August 2015 and was finally shown the door August 2022.

That’s right, base out state would be dependent on other players and WAR is meant as a self-contained metric.

You misspelled “totally”. Twice.