The Advice Thread

[Deleterious]

Quote

My attorney would like to know when my refund is arriving.

That beats any AI email.  

[chasfh]

9 minutes ago, Deleterious said:

That beats any AI email.  

That's true if catharsis > restraint, and there's no need to maintain a cordial ongoing relationship.

[gehringer_2]

8 minutes ago, chasfh said:

That's true if catharsis > restraint, and there's no need to maintain a cordial ongoing relationship.

The trick is trying to understand/figure out if the person you are dealing with is your enemy or if the org he is dealing with is the enemy. If it's the latter then you want to recruit mutual empathy so he becomes your advocate in his org. That's the situation where being angry is counterproductive because it makes it easier for him not to care about your problem. Conversely, if you believe the person you are dealing with is the immediate problem, then a threat (if it's a legitimate one you can back up) becomes more useful/needful.

Edited July 14, 2023 by gehringer_2

[chasfh]

25 minutes ago, gehringer_2 said:

The trick is trying to understand/figure out if the person you are dealing with is your enemy or if the org he is dealing with is the enemy. If it's the latter then you want to recruit mutual empathy so he becomes your advocate in his org. That's the situation where being angry is counterproductive because it makes it easier for him not to care about your problem. Conversely, if you believe the person you are dealing with is the immediate problem, then a threat (if it's a legitimate one you can back up) becomes more useful/needful.

I think the initial assumption should be that the person can be your advocate, until they prove otherwise, which can and does happen.

But in the case where the threat of getting an attorney involved comes onto the table, we should probably assume at that point that any cordiality we'd had in the relationship will be damaged, if not totally destroyed. It might be cathartic and make us feel good and powerful to make such a threat, but there is almost always a cost to doing so.

But even if we are willing to forego the relationship for the sake of threatening legal action, coming off angry as well will serve only to make us look unhinged, and that might actually weaken our position if the other side counters with politeness and restraint, even if it's cold and less-than-sincere. Because anger is basically intimidation of a physical type, it wins really only in situations where one side can prevail by physically overpowering the other, and even then, a cold lack of emotion in physical encounters can have its own chilling effect. Ever get physically bullied around by a guy who was business-like about it instead of angry? That is its own special type of unnerving.

To me, the real key is whether the encounter is relationship-based, or a one-off. If we want to maintain a relationship with an organization and expect to continue doing so, then becoming angry and making threats will surely damage that relationship, quite possibly beyond repair, and we should be cognizant of that potential outcome before we yell and scream and threaten attorneys. If it's a one-off situation and we know we will never see or do business with the other party again, though, then such threats are much less costly, but we also still better be ready to back it up or it still might not work.

 

[Deleterious]

It is definitely possible I am a unhinged person on a power trip.  But I would have my refund in my pocket to use on therapy to work through those issues.

[chasfh]

Never undertip to make a point.

Out with a friend, meal on him, and he was unhappy with the service, so he said he was going to tip them 10%. I said come on, you can’t do that, you have to give them at least 15% here. He said, no, he was going to teach them not to give bad service. (I didn’t think the service itself was so bad, but he was unhappy with it.)

I said, well look, if you’re not gonna give them 15%, then just stiff ‘em. That’ll get your point across.

He was taken aback some by that. He’s like, nah, I can’t stiff ‘em. I have to give them something.

I said, well, if you’re gonna give them something, then give them at least 15%.

He asks, why shouldn’t I tip them 10% if I want?

Well, you can if you want, you’re the customer. But if you do that, then no one is happy. They’re unhappy and think you’re a **** for undertipping them, and you’re unhappy because you had to give them anything at all for service you didn’t like. Nobody wins there. So either give them 15%, or stiff ‘em. At least someone will be happy.

He laughed at that. He thought I was being funny, although I was totally serious. So he tipped them 10% and we left. And he was unhappy at having to tip her at all, and I presume she thought we were both dicks because he undertipped them. So I got to lose by extension on this one as well.

Next time I’m just going to leave the difference in cash when he’s not looking.

 

[chasfh]

Flip side tipping advice: if you can, tip in cash even if you use credit or debit card.

Waitstaff love getting tips in cash because it’s money directly in their pocket tonight (assuming the House doesn’t skim it), not delayed; and it’s not automatically-reported income they have to claim on their tax return like a card tip would be, which saves them, what?, 25% or so?, of the tip if that’s the way they want to play it.

Related mini-tip: if you tip in cash while paying by card, on the bill, in the tip box, instead of writing “0”, which just looks bad, write “cash” instead. I don’t know whether that flags anything with the House or IRS or whatever, but absent knowing that, it feels like writing “cash” is better than writing “0”.

[smr-nj]

7 minutes ago, chasfh said:

Next time I’m just going to leave the difference in cash when he’s not looking.

Yeah.  
I try to be “in charge” of the bill when I’m out with friends, because some of them are (imo) under-tippers, and I’m admittedly an over-tipper because I’ve had quite a number of people in my family who at some point in their lives were waitstaff or bartenders.  
If the friends ask what the amount is before tip, and they think I’ve added too much for the tip, I back down, and then I just throw in more (without them noticing).

I know that sometimes, the less than stellar service might have as its cause nothing to do with them in particular, but a backup in the kitchen,,etc.  Also… we’ve all had days where maybe we’re not at our best.

The caveat here is, of course, encountering outright rudeness… um, yeah, not going to reward that with a big tip, but also, I’d let a manager or owner know what was encountered.  Personally, it’s never happened to me, gratefully.

Also, chaz, I agree on (when possible) the tip in cash. 

[Deleterious]

Servers do not care if you tip in cash or by plastic just as long as you tip.  Most just report their CC tips and pocket the cash assuming the CC tips make up a big enough % of their sales.  The IRS wants to see 8% of your sales reported as tips.

 

 

[chasfh]

7 hours ago, Deleterious said:

Servers do not care if you tip in cash or by plastic just as long as you tip.  Most just report their CC tips and pocket the cash assuming the CC tips make up a big enough % of their sales.  The IRS wants to see 8% of your sales reported as tips.

 

 

I was just going off my experience of receiving pleasant surprise and hearty thank yous when I tip directly in cash. I had assumed it was because they preferred it.

[chasfh]

I should have known there are a boatload of articles about a hot topic such as this:

https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/money/money-etiquette/when-to-tip-in-cash

https://www.foodandwine.com/fwpro/should-you-tip-in-cash-or-on-a-credit-card

https://thetakeout.com/ask-the-salty-waitress-should-i-tip-in-cash-or-on-a-ca-1823439615

[CMRivdogs]

I tend to be all over the place when it comes to cash or card. I prefer using cash as my hair place. Restaurants I tend to go with the card for whatever reason. 
Until recently there really hasn't been much choice. Chase has been slow entering the market without having to drive 40 miles for an ATM

[pfife]

Anyone here have experience with any of these companies that add foam insulation to your house?

[Biff Mayhem]

28 minutes ago, pfife said:

Anyone here have experience with any of these companies that add foam insulation to your house?

I had NuWool installed which is blown in. If you go that route, I can share my experience.

[chasfh]

I am just now learning how to make a decent veggie and Swiss omelet, and I'm hoping for some advice on how to make the cheese gooey. I am adding pre-grated Swiss to it and I want to know when and/or how to add it to get the gooey result I want?

Edited August 26, 2023 by chasfh

[oblong]

I’m not an expert but we do an egg bake every week and have to hand grate it because my wife says pre grated has stuff in it that makes it harder to melt right. I don’t know the accuracy because she gets her **** from Pinterest and I make fun of it. “They say…”. I don’t trust “them”.  Grating it sucks. I’ve broken 3 of them over the last 2 years.  

[chasfh]

1 hour ago, oblong said:

I’m not an expert but we do an egg bake every week and have to hand grate it because my wife says pre grated has stuff in it that makes it harder to melt right. I don’t know the accuracy because she gets her **** from Pinterest and I make fun of it. “They say…”. I don’t trust “them”.  Grating it sucks. I’ve broken 3 of them over the last 2 years.  

It might be the brand of cheese I'm getting, too. the local Krogerized supermarket has exactly one single solitary SKU of pre-grated Swiss cheese. (George Carlin would be pleased.) I would be surprised if the pancake house I'd been getting omelets from grates their own cheese, but I might be wrong on that.

[smr-nj]

Definitely will be a better melt if you buy a block of cheese and grate it yourself. 
(Rob - Julie is RIGHT.)

All the pre-grated packets of cheese have an ingredient that keeps that cheese from sticking together in the package. You will not get the same melt as when you buy a block of cheese and grate it. This is also really true with mozzarella.  

[oblong]

7 minutes ago, smr-nj said:

Definitely will be a better melt if you buy a block of cheese and grate it yourself. 
(Rob - Julie is RIGHT.)

All the pre-grated packets of cheese have an ingredient that keeps that cheese from sticking together in the package. You will not get the same melt as when you buy a block of cheese and grade it. This is also really true with mozzarella.  

You mean “mootzadell”?

[smr-nj]

1 hour ago, oblong said:

You mean “mootzadell”?

I tried using the microphone feature to reply before, and when I said “mozzarella”, in my  accent, you would not believe the word it tried to come up with. 🙂

[Deleterious]

Use a different type of cheese.  

This article explains why Swiss isn't a great choice.  Unless you are willing to pay a lot for properly aged Swiss.  Read #5.

https://thecheesewanker.com/cheese-life/19-best-cheeses-to-use-in-an-omelette/

 

[chasfh]

Here’s a serious question, even though this is the type of question that practically begs a joke response, but what the heck, here goes: is Little Caesars Detroit-style pizza any good at all? Obviously it could never be as good as Buddy’s or Loui’s or Cloverleaf, but then, I don’t have Buddy’s even available to me, let alone the others. If I have a hankering for a Detroit-style pizza and LCE is the only option reasonably close to me, would it be acceptably good? Or is it like their standard round pizza and to be avoided?

[Biff Mayhem]

55 minutes ago, chasfh said:

Here’s a serious question, even though this is the type of question that practically begs a joke response, but what the heck, here goes: is Little Caesars Detroit-style pizza any good at all? Obviously it could never be as good as Buddy’s or Loui’s or Cloverleaf, but then, I don’t have Buddy’s even available to me, let alone the others. If I have a hankering for a Detroit-style pizza and LCE is the only option reasonably close to me, would it be acceptably good? Or is it like their standard round pizza and to be avoided?

I have always liked their deep dish pizza but the standard round is almost unpalatable IMO

[chasfh]

31 minutes ago, Biff Mayhem said:

I have always liked their deep dish pizza but the standard round is almost unpalatable IMO

Is that a standard deep dish, or is it a true Detroit-style? They promote it as the latter. 

[pfife]

1 hour ago, chasfh said:

Here’s a serious question, even though this is the type of question that practically begs a joke response, but what the heck, here goes: is Little Caesars Detroit-style pizza any good at all? Obviously it could never be as good as Buddy’s or Loui’s or Cloverleaf, but then, I don’t have Buddy’s even available to me, let alone the others. If I have a hankering for a Detroit-style pizza and LCE is the only option reasonably close to me, would it be acceptably good? Or is it like their standard round pizza and to be avoided?

The one by me is hit or miss on the detroit style.   I have had some that were really good.  I'd say worth a try.