The pet peeve thread

[casimir]

I had an inquiry out of the blue last week.  The title of the job was curiously above what I am looking for.  The company didn't have any facilities around me.  So I replied back with the obligatory appreciation for reviewing my resume, but here are some immediate concerns that I have based on the little of what I know of this opportunity vs what I am looking for.  I was specific to not wanting to relocate and job level.  The recruiter got back with me and thought that this was still a fit based on what I had mentioned, they still liked my resume, would I still be interested?  OK, sure, let's set up a chat.

This corp recruiter called a few minutes late.  Thankfully right out of the gate she mentioned the onsite job location being two hours away from where I am currently located.  Obviously this wasn't going to work.  She asked if I would offer up why I wouldn't relocate, and I simply said it wasn't going to work for my family situation.  What I should have done (OK, shouldn't have but wanted to do) was asked why she didn't consider this concern when I offered it up right away from the start.

"Well, please know that we do accept referrals for our open positions."  OK, sure thing.

[CMRivdogs]

On 3/6/2024 at 4:59 PM, djhutch said:

I don't know if this qualifies as a peeve, but for the 2nd time in my career I have finished a battery of interviews for a new position - which took place over 6 months - & then was notified yesterday that it was down to me & 1 other guy - & they were going to pursue them first.  In some ways, it makes me think they liked what I had to offer - but this one came after they mistakenly sent me a rejection letter once & then rescinded it - put me thru 3 more interviews - & then moved on.  Maybe it's just because it's fresh - but I hate putting that much mental energy into something to be let down.

I'm assuming this is a broadcast related position? The vetting process of this particular entity is way too long and there seems to be a lot of bureaucracy to the process.
My wife went thru something similar several years ago with multiple interviews with several "department heads". After a "final interview" with the head of the foundation they called her back and wanted to do another round of interviews with the two finalists.

In the end she said thanks but no thanks. There were too many red flags. The person who got the job lasted less than a year before moving on...

 

[LaceyLou]

I've had 'interviews' that lasted for a whole day-with different groups of people-as in, a whole day of sitting at a table with 4-5 people at a time sitting across from you. The jobs were for entry/lower level jobs that are relatively easy to learn-I liked to tell people that I take animals from dirty cages and put them into clean cages for most of the day. 

It also seems like an odd way to find somebody to fill a position that works best for people who are a bit on the introverted side. Most of the extreme extroverts I've seen get hired in the field grow bored quite quickly, and find their needs are not being met. 

 

[gehringer_2]

2 hours ago, casimir said:

What I should have done (OK, shouldn't have but wanted to do) was asked why she didn't consider this concern when I offered it up right away from the start.

She figured she'd talk you into it. The recruiter knew that plenty of people are nutty enough to regularly commute hrs each way. Heck -  I did an hour each way for a number of years - but that was about my limit, but I was working with a guy that was doing >1 1/2 everyday, and it didn't seem to bother him....

[casimir]

22 hours ago, gehringer_2 said:

She figured she'd talk you into it. The recruiter knew that plenty of people are nutty enough to regularly commute hrs each way. Heck -  I did an hour each way for a number of years - but that was about my limit, but I was working with a guy that was doing >1 1/2 everyday, and it didn't seem to bother him....

She didn't put forth much an effort to sell me on a commute.  I wonder if she knew it'd be at least 2 hours one way.

[John_Brian_K]

On 3/7/2024 at 9:47 PM, microline133 said:

I don't understand dragging the hiring process out....in any field, and I'm a huge culture/fit guy. I don't think it makes the hiring organization look good....you really need all this time to make a decision? What's business decision making look like for you? 

I say this as someone that works for the federal government with a painful hiring process. 

I did a phone screening with a guy two weeks ago, panel virtual interview with him last week, and flew him here from the UK this week to put a bow on things. We had drinks tonight to talk ancillary stuff (towns to look for houses, commutes, the non-work side of the process) and he'll come into the office tomorrow to talk nuts and bolts, potential project assignments, and next steps....it'll be a done deal by Tuesday and we will just have to figure out his start date with the move back to the States factored in. 

Wife just got her first guvment job doing physicals for new recruits, talked to a bunch of the people there...they all love it...super cush/easy job.  Lots of them came out of retirement to do it because it is so easy and the pay is great.  Just a once a week type job for her now, but she may expand that depending.

[chasfh]

Good lord, I can't believe CNN actually wrote this in their story about Roman Polanski, talking about the 13-year-old he sexually assaulted:

 

https://view.newsletters.cnn.com/messages/171029497459629e4f556d7e7/raw

Prosecuting Polanski: Roman Polanski will face a Los Angeles civil trial in August 2025 for allegedly raping an underage woman in 1973, a judge determined Tuesday.

 

I mean, come on—you gotta be kidding me here.

There is no such thing as an “underage woman”. A female is either a woman or a girl, and a girl who has not reached the age of majority is a girl and not a woman, full stop.

By stating that an underage female is a woman, the implication, however inadvertent, is that she is a valid option as a sexual partner for an adult, because legally speaking, an adult is allowed to have sex with women, but not girls. That’s basically the dividing line of what separates a “woman” from a “girl”!

And even though the phrase “underage girl” is redundant, it is certainly far better than the falsehood that an underage girl can be considered a woman at the same time.

This first struck me when some sports website a few years ago referred to a "high school women's basketball team", which is possible only if the entire team is the age of majority or over. The total lack of exactitude of this kind of thing just drives me bonkers.

This is a stark example of either sloppy thinking or political correctness, and in this case, neither is good.

[gehringer_2]

4 minutes ago, chasfh said:

Good lord, I can't believe CNN actually wrote this in their story about Roman Polanski, talking about the 13-year-old he sexually assaulted:

 

https://view.newsletters.cnn.com/messages/171029497459629e4f556d7e7/raw

Prosecuting Polanski: Roman Polanski will face a Los Angeles civil trial in August 2025 for allegedly raping an underage woman in 1973, a judge determined Tuesday.

 

I mean, come on—you gotta be kidding me here.

 

LOL - I get it, but I have a certain amount of sympathy in that almost nothing is safe anymore.

if they had said 'underage female' there are quarters from which flak would come. As noted 'underage girl' is redundant. "girl" by itself would be criticized as too unspecific. So any number of land minds. 😥. But sure - why not just say "a 13 yr old" because for that matter, the sex isn't even relevant to the criminality.

[chasfh]

Just now, gehringer_2 said:

LOL - I get it, but I have a certain amount of sympathy in that almost nothing is safe anymore.

if they had said 'underage female' there are quarters from which flak would come. As noted 'underage girl' is redundant. "girl" by itself would be criticized as too unspecific. So any number of land minds. 😥. But sure - why not just say "a 13 yr old" because for that matter, the sex isn't even relevant to the criminality.

What's the problem with "underage female"? What quarters would that flak come from?

[oblong]

Regarding the High School team... I could see complaints that "Girls" is a put down vs. "Women".  Then again, is the other side referred to as "Boys basketball team" instead of "Men" at the HS level?  I think it is boys.

But yes, I can believe CNN did that because the industry has gotten rid of copy editors.

But is there a legal definition of when someone is a woman?  Is it 18?  I never eally thought about it before.  Age of consent in some areas is under 18.

And on the topic of what Polanski did... never forget Whoopie GOlderg's statement that "it wasn't rape rape"

 

[chasfh]

14 minutes ago, oblong said:

Regarding the High School team... I could see complaints that "Girls" is a put down vs. "Women".  Then again, is the other side referred to as "Boys basketball team" instead of "Men" at the HS level?  I think it is boys.

But yes, I can believe CNN did that because the industry has gotten rid of copy editors.

But is there a legal definition of when someone is a woman?  Is it 18?  I never eally thought about it before.  Age of consent in some areas is under 18.

And on the topic of what Polanski did... never forget Whoopie GOlderg's statement that "it wasn't rape rape"

 

Is the age of consent in Michigan still 16? That's kind of mind-blowing if it is, but if someone wanted to call a 16-year-old female in Michigan a "woman" because of that, it would be at least defensible. Although the state should just raise age of consent to 18 and remove any doubt.

But I'm pretty sure that one thing we can all agree on (I would think) is that a 13-year-old is not a "woman" by any definition—except, apparently, CNN's.

I could see this decision as being political correctness run amok, but really, I couldn't give less of a sht if a 17-year-old get her nose out of joint for being called a "girl" instead of a "woman". If an 18-year-old gets her nose out of joint about it, then yes, she has a legitimate beef.

 

[oblong]

I believe it's just someone rushing to write a story and nobody gave it a second thought.  Like I said, there's no editors anymore to catch that.  Just churn them out.  Probably written by a 19 year old free lancer for $25.

 

[Motor City Sonics]

Has any else's DTE bills been through the roof the last 3 months?   Mine are insane and we had an easy winter.   I literally keep my house 60 degrees at night (I like it chilly when sleeping).    

[John_Brian_K]

4 hours ago, Motor City Sonics said:

Has any else's DTE bills been through the roof the last 3 months?   Mine are insane and we had an easy winter.   I literally keep my house 60 degrees at night (I like it chilly when sleeping).    

I am on the plan and mine have stayed the same for the most part even through the reassessing process.

[oblong]

Having retired siblings with nothing to do but obsess over items that are like #278 on your list. 
 

An aunt died late last year and the memorial is next month in TN.  I’m driving down by myself for various reasons.  This is located in a college town and in the area near the freeway every possible hotel chain you can imagine and some you never heard of is located there. I mean you have 3 or 4 sharing a parking lot.  I quickly glanced at availability and its wide open and prices are fine. I’m being bombarded with questions on where I am staying and if I want them to book (no, I want to utilize my points) to let them know when I booked, etc.  keep in mind I will see this sibling 4 or 5 times before we leave. She’s local.  I’m working. I have a wife. A special needs son. I’m going out most nights doing stuff.  I’m not worried about this. It’s not on my radar especially at 2:00 pm on a Monday.  It’s not that big of a deal.  

[John_Brian_K]

18 hours ago, oblong said:

Having retired siblings with nothing to do but obsess over items that are like #278 on your list. 
 

An aunt died late last year and the memorial is next month in TN.  I’m driving down by myself for various reasons.  This is located in a college town and in the area near the freeway every possible hotel chain you can imagine and some you never heard of is located there. I mean you have 3 or 4 sharing a parking lot.  I quickly glanced at availability and its wide open and prices are fine. I’m being bombarded with questions on where I am staying and if I want them to book (no, I want to utilize my points) to let them know when I booked, etc.  keep in mind I will see this sibling 4 or 5 times before we leave. She’s local.  I’m working. I have a wife. A special needs son. I’m going out most nights doing stuff.  I’m not worried about this. It’s not on my radar especially at 2:00 pm on a Monday.  It’s not that big of a deal.  

This one hits a little for me.  2 brothers basically retired who I barely see anymore, also 2 special needs boys at home.  My father just passed last month and the amount of argument over minute details about the funeral sucked the life out of me.

[oblong]

17 minutes ago, John_Brian_K said:

This one hits a little for me.  2 brothers basically retired who I barely see anymore, also 2 special needs boys at home.  My father just passed last month and the amount of argument over minute details about the funeral sucked the life out of me.

Part of me is like "I wish that's all I had to worry about today".

 

[Motor City Sonics]

We had 9 days over 60 with 4 of those over 70 during the Winter and now that it's spring the Wind Chill is 9 degrees.  Mother Nature is an asshole.     

 

April 5th (as of now) looks like 58 and partly sunny.   That'll change.  

[chasfh]

2 hours ago, Motor City Sonics said:

We had 9 days over 60 with 4 of those over 70 during the Winter and now that it's spring the Wind Chill is 9 degrees.  Mother Nature is an asshole.     

 

April 5th (as of now) looks like 58 and partly sunny.   That'll change.  

That is one thing I have always hated about the Great Lakes: right at that time when you need a nice mild break from a long stretch of winter, you go through two months (April, May) during which this region is the coldest in the whole country. That's super cruel.

[chasfh]

You guys know how much I love tipping. I started an entire well-trafficked thread about it on the old board. This specific thing I'm posting here isn't a pet peeve, per se, but tipping culture is a pet peeve of mine in general, so, here is where it goes.

I'm a person who tips only if I have to. I will try to tip as close to 15% as I can get away with, meaning, given the circumstances I may tip something like 20% or even more if I think service is outstanding, or if I have an ongoing relationship with the person I'm tipping, e.g., the person who cuts my hair at Sports Clips. Otherwise, I tip the minimum, which is 15% and maybe plus a roundup, and much less or even nothing for things like food pickup.

But one thing I do not do is tip the owner. If you work for yourself, you get to set your own price. There's an Italian Ice place nearby, I get a large, it costs $6.50. If an employee is serving me, I tip a buck. If the owner is serving me, which happens fairly often, I tip nothing. In my opinion, tips are for people who work for the business, people with a limited wage. They're not for the people with equity in the business and basically unlimited earning potential upside.

I have a buddy who seems embarrassed and annoyed at me if he thinks I'm undertipping in front of him. He says nothing verbally, because he's not a confronter, but his disapproving look says it all. I hate being in a tipping situation when I'm with the guy. He is the epitome of "social tipper": he tips to gain social approval from the service person. Plus, he's indiscriminate: whether he's being served a full meal of multiple courses in a restaurant, or he sees the tip nag on a screen when buying a beer at the ballpark, he will tip the same 25%, 30%, whatever, regardless. I think that's borderline insane. But hey, it's his money. Let him do that all he wants.

Sorry for the long set-up just to get to this:

He and I were talking about using a maid service to clean our homes which, if you're single and work long hours, you basically need. He travels all over god's green earth for work, so he qualifies there. My wife and I used to have a maid come in, but we're retired now so my wife cleans the house. (I cook the food. That's the arrangement. We both believe we got the better end of that deal.)

At some point my buddy mentioned tipping his maid. I asked, oh, do you use Molly Maid or something? Meaning, does your maid work for someone else?

He says, no, she works for herself.

I say, oh ... and she sets her own price?

Yes, she does.

Oh ... and you tip her on top of that?

Of course!

Oh ... really?

Sure! Don't you?

I laughed and said that's cool, man! All right, that's cool! You're a good man, Charlie Brown! Or something like that to get away from having to answer him.

What I didn't say, and didn't want to say, is hell no, I didn't tip her, except at Christmas. Why would I tip someone when they work for themselves and get to set their own price? That strikes me as tipping culture run completely amok. If she were a Molly Maid, that would be completely different. They don't get to set their own wages, and it's definitely not going to be as high as the maid who sets her own price. But an independent maid is basically a business owner. I'm already paying, what, $100 for three, maybe four hours work? And I'm supposed to give her an extra $25 tip on top of that? As if. You want $125? Charge me $125.

I'm sure the mileage varies for many people here on that ...

Edited April 1 by chasfh

[gehringer_2]

44 minutes ago, chasfh said:

Why would I tip someone when they work for themselves and get to set their own price? That strikes me as tipping culture run completely amok.

I agree completely with the distinction between owner/worker - in principle. The one caveat would be that if a  self-employed contract maid publishes their prices, they are going to have to be competitive with what Molly Maid charges as a base rate. But they know you are willing to tip Molly Maid, so they are leaving money on the table value wise if they publish a fee that meets the franchise cost. But if they build in the tip they expect/know you would pay Molly Maid, they know they will lose business because that is just the reality of the way people shop. So under those conditions it's sort of a no-win situation for an owner/operator isn't it?

Maybe it comes down to whether it's the owner of a multi-employee business with capital and/or brick and mortar overhead (IOW, is the owner a capitalist?), or a person is working as a single self-employed service worker - who is still basically a wage slave?

Edited April 1 by gehringer_2

[oblong]

Regarding tipping at the ballpak… on the kiosks. I was told on 3 occasions by workers to not tip there. They don’t get it.  I mean I guess they do somehow but it’s split among everybody and the implication I got was we aren’t doing what’s in the spirit.   In one scenario the machine was acting up so she took over and said “hit zero for that, you don’t want that” and on another occasion I tipped and the worker said “just so you know we don’t really see that. It gets spread out”.  So now I don’t.  Especially since the ballpark went cashless. I always tipped a few books for the seat vendor who’s hauling a few cases.  

[chasfh]

4 hours ago, oblong said:

Regarding tipping at the ballpak… on the kiosks. I was told on 3 occasions by workers to not tip there. They don’t get it.  I mean I guess they do somehow but it’s split among everybody and the implication I got was we aren’t doing what’s in the spirit.   In one scenario the machine was acting up so she took over and said “hit zero for that, you don’t want that” and on another occasion I tipped and the worker said “just so you know we don’t really see that. It gets spread out”.  So now I don’t.  Especially since the ballpark went cashless. I always tipped a few books for the seat vendor who’s hauling a few cases.  

I have lately been tipping the beer guy at Wrigley a dollar bill directly, instead of through the screen, and he has always thanked me genuinely, which is probably related to what you’re saying about pooling tips.

Sure, the dollar is not 15% of the $13-or-so beer cost, but remember, I tip 15% for full service at a restaurant or a Sports Clip, and not knee-jerk every time a tipping situation comes up. But advantage goes to the dollar, because two reasons: 1) The dollar goes directly to him, while the 15% gets split and he probably doesn’t even get a whole dollar out of that. 2) He doesn’t have to claim the dollar as income and get taxed on it the way he does if he’s tipped through the system.

So next time you go to the ballpark, consider bringing dollar bills for tipping, if you’re inclined to tip.

[chasfh]

19 hours ago, gehringer_2 said:

I agree completely with the distinction between owner/worker - in principle. The one caveat would be that if a  self-employed contract maid publishes their prices, they are going to have to be competitive with what Molly Maid charges as a base rate. But they know you are willing to tip Molly Maid, so they are leaving money on the table value wise if they publish a fee that meets the franchise cost. But if they build in the tip they expect/know you would pay Molly Maid, they know they will lose business because that is just the reality of the way people shop. So under those conditions it's sort of a no-win situation for an owner/operator isn't it?

Maybe it comes down to whether it's the owner of a multi-employee business with capital and/or brick and mortar overhead (IOW, is the owner a capitalist?), or a person is working as a single self-employed service worker - who is still basically a wage slave?

I did not find my maid in a competitive marketplace and stack up her potential against that of employed Molly Maids. A friend recommended her to me. She was with us from 1999 until COVID. I paid her the fee she herself set, and I tipped her only at Christmas. It did not seem to affect our relationships, either personal or business.

But if being a "wage slave" is the criterion, and everyone is ultimately a wage slave because they have to compete against everyone else for their income even if they are a lone entrepreneur whose price is influenced by what those in the employee sector make, then I guess everyone should get tipped, right?

And hey, what about the guys who changed the oil in my car today? I mean, that's a service, right? And they're "wage slaves", right? So, what ... go back, introduce myself, and tip them? Or no?

And what about an employee at a furniture store who showed me some options in easy chairs, and I end up buying one there? Did this "wage slave" not provide a service by presenting options to me that led to a purchase? So, 15% extra to him on top of the cost of the chair? Yeah?

And what if he's the proprietor of the store, an independent furniture store, and he's just starting out so he is limiting his draw from the revenue so he can live modestly, as a furniture store salesman just starting out might, while he works to build his business? He has made himself a temporary  "wage slave" in this scenario, has he not? So ... tip him for his service?

I'm not asking for guidance here—I know where I draw my line. I'm asking, where do you draw yours?

[gehringer_2]

9 minutes ago, chasfh said:

I did not find my maid in a competitive marketplace and stack up her potential against that of employed Molly Maids. A friend recommended her to me. She was with us from 1999 until COVID. I paid her the fee she herself set, and I tipped her only at Christmas. It did not seem to affect our relationships, either personal or business.

But if being a "wage slave" is the criterion, and everyone is ultimately a wage slave because they have to compete against everyone else for their income even if they are a lone entrepreneur whose price is influenced by what those in the employee sector make, then I guess everyone should get tipped, right?

And hey, what about the guys who changed the oil in my car today? I mean, that's a service, right? And they're "wage slaves", right? So, what ... go back, introduce myself, and tip them? Or no?

And what about an employee at a furniture store who showed me some options in easy chairs, and I end up buying one there? Did this "wage slave" not provide a service by presenting options to me that led to a purchase? So, 15% extra to him on top of the cost of the chair? Yeah?

And what if he's the proprietor of the store, an independent furniture store, and he's just starting out so he is limiting his draw from the revenue so he can live modestly, as a furniture store salesman just starting out might, while he works to build his business? He has made himself a temporary  "wage slave" in this scenario, has he not? So ... tip him for his service?

I'm not asking for guidance here—I know where I draw my line. I'm asking, where do you draw yours?

For me the fundamental criteria is whether the person would be a 'tipped' employee under FLSA. So that dovetails with the owner/employee distinction which is why I said I agreed in principle. Looking for exceptions was more a Socratic diversion to the effect that most 'rules' end up less than foolproof. I'll also note the SO also follows the 'don't tip the owner at the Salon' paradigm.